Erase Rewind
by Kylara Kitsune
Summary: Cloud wants revenge after what Sephiroth did to him, but first, he has to explain to Leon.


**AN: Yes, it's named after the song by the Cardigans, which I have been listening to far too much recently. Prompt number 46 - "Why do you always have to hide?"**

If you could go back and change one thing, just one, in your life, what would it be? I've never had any doubts as to how I'd answer that question – it's something that has haunted both my walking thoughts and my nightmares ever since. It isn't something I generally talk about – even Tifa, my closest friend, has no idea of the full story. Neither does Leon, and it's making things awkward between us. He says he loves me, but I don't deserve to be loved like that. I can't help feeling strange when he touches me, kisses me – not because I don't care about him, I do; but because he's slow, careful, afraid of hurting me somehow. I'm not used to that.

If I could erase one thing from my past, it would be Sephiroth, without a shadow of a doubt.

We were in SOLDIER together, as I'm sure you know. I looked up to him, admired him. He was a perfect example of what I wanted to be. I wasn't the only one who saw him in that way, buy it was me he chose to bestow his attention upon. I was pleased, at the time, that he'd even noticed me. Now, I wish I'd faded into the background like the rest of the recruits.

I didn't understand why he did what he did, and I didn't complain at the time, though I vowed revenge and spent a long time hunting him down. That's how I met Leon – I'd chased Sephiroth to a place called Hollow Bastion, where Leon was living, along with a bunch of other people, including Tifa and Yuffie.

………………

"Come here, Cloud."

Sephiroth's voice was like a magnet to the young, spiky haired blond. He didn't even think of disobeying; instead, he stood up and followed Sephiroth out of the room, up to Sephiroth's private quarters. What happened that time was no different to the countless other times it had happened. Sephiroth had pulled Cloud into a fierce kiss, nothing caring or gentle about it at all. When they parted, Cloud was pushed to his knees, and divested both himself and Sephiroth of their clothing. It was a ritual by now, a ritual designed by the older man in order to please only himself – it mattered not at all what the young blond felt. Next, Cloud found himself being flung face down on the bed while Sephiroth entered him roughly. He screamed in pain, as he did every time, but it had no effect on the fast pace that had been set. Afterwards, he lay there broken and bruised, unable to summon the energy to even get dressed, while Sephiroth looked at him, knowing that nothing was going to alter their little rendezvous for as long as he wanted them.

………………

I hate myself for putting up with that, now. I did it because it was Sephiroth, and I'd have taken whatever attention he wanted to give me. Now, though, I know it was nothing more than rape. I did say no, the first time, but he did it anyway. Makes me wonder if I was drugged, somehow.

Anyway, when Leon started indicating that he was interested in me, I wasn't sure what to do, so I just let him take charge, since that's all I'd experienced. He soon noticed, though. I shrugged it off, but I couldn't hide the nervousness every time he kissed me.

"Cloud, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, Leon."

"Then why do you start shaking every time I go anywhere near you? If you're not interested in me like that, Cloud, just damn well say so."

"I am, Leon, I just… I've never done this before."

Well, it wasn't, strictly speaking, a lie. He accepted it for a while, at least. Then Sephiroth decided to show up again, and I was determined to have my revenge. Without, of course, telling anyone the reason why. Leon, once again, noticed a change in my attitude towards him. He's more observant than anybody gives him credit for.

"Why do you always have to hide, Cloud?"

"I'm not hiding from anybody."

"You're hiding behind that aloof, moody attitude of yours."

"You're a fine one to talk about being moody, aren't you, Leon?"

"It might actually help if you told me what your problem with this Sephiroth is."

I glared at him. He glared back. Yuffie stuck her head around the door to tell us something, took one look at us and backed nervously away, closing the door behind her. And then the whole sorry story came pouring out.

I ended up wrapped in his arms, finally able to relax, now that he knew my dreadful secret. What's more, he hadn't left in disgust, or even looked uneasy about it. I had to ask. "Doesn't it bother you, Leon?"

"Not like it's clearly been bothering you." He retrieved his gunblade and pointed at my Buster Sword. "You said he's in Hollow Bastion, right? Well, let's go and show the bastard he isn't welcome here."

………………

We did. I couldn't have won if I'd been alone, Sephiroth is still much stronger than I am, even after all the training I've been doing. Somehow, Leon and I weren't even injured. I'll never know how we escaped totally unscathed, but we did.

"I need a shower," Leon announced as soon as we arrived back at Merlin's house. Thankfully, the place was empty. For the first time since the fight, I glanced down at myself, and grimaced at the blood.

"So do I."

We ended up taking a shower together – and I no longer felt awkward around Leon. He knew my dirty secret and hadn't run away screaming. It was strange at first, since we'd never gone any further than kissing, but that didn't stop us. Underneath the spray of water, our lips met, forcefully, as hands tangled in hair to pull each other closer together. He slid one hand down my body, stopping at my hips.

"Damn it, Leon, don't stop."

"Are you sure about this, Cloud?" He was concerned, I could see it in his eyes, and even though he wanted to do this, he'd stop if I told him to. That's what makes him so different from Sephiroth.

"Please, Leon."

I kissed him again as his hand moved lower, down to where I wanted him to touch. Groaning into his mouth, I attempted to do the same to him, but he pulled my hands away.

"Another time. Later."

I think that's when I actually fell in love with him. It was so new to me, having a partner who wanted to make sure I enjoyed it as much as he did. Later, I did return the favour, when we moved from the bathroom to his bedroom. His bedroom quickly became our bedroom, and eventually we moved into our own place, where we still live today. I wouldn't change a single moment of my time with Leon, not one.

**AN: Getting near the end of this challenge now. Five more to go.**


End file.
